EVERYBODY wants to share their opinion about England and what the team will look like in Brisbane Perth. Those Aussies are never far away when it comes to commenting on English cricket. It is hilarious how ‘wound up’ the Australians get about this England team – its something about Ben Stokes that they just cannot handle.
It was this year’s Old Trafford test match that seemed to trigger the Austalian righteousness. As simple Poms, we know that the Australians draw the line of righteousness in cricket – no other country is permitted to do that. So, therefore, we knew we would have to be lectured from down under about the way that Stokes tried to get an early finish at Old Trafford. I must confess, however, that I think England were lucky that India pulled out after the two batters had got centuries – if I had been the batting captain, I would have batted right till the end – grind them into the dust as Steve Waugh would say. Mind you, the cricket down under must be awfully boring, given how much English cricket the Aussie fans seem to enjoy watching. And given any opportunity, they love to focus on those little moments from the past – Jonny Bairstow’s Lords moment of stupidity in 2023 (and yes, it was out).They still go on about Gary Pratt’s run out in 2005, and even that catch, off Allan Lamb’s boot, in 1985 gets a mention from time to time.
It was, therefore, no surprise when Ricky Ponting started to tell England what team to select, saying that England must pick Shoab Bashir. Some Poms asked if this is tactical from the Aussies – trying to impact our selection to help them retain The Ashes, but a quick look at England’s success in Oz tells you that the Aussies do not care what team England pick – England have won just 3 test matches down under this millenium, and only 6 since 1987, so I don’t think the Aussies need to bother what team we pick as it generally makes no difference.
Do England ever win down under?
I am not optimistic for England, but at least they do not start at ‘The Gabba-toire’ in Brisbane. It seems very kind of the Aussies to spare us from starting off in Brisbane, given that Mike Gatting was the last victorious England Ashes skipper at the infamous Gabba – and he needed heroics from one of England’s greatest in Lord Botham.
I have followed every Ashes series since 1990, and when you start to look at England’s record down under, it really is a tale of doom – except for 2010/11 which is a rare shining star. I have collected a few highlights below:
- In 1990, England’s captain and best batter ended up in hospital for the first test match. Lamb ended up captaining that game, and the successful Graham Gooch / Mike Atherton partnership was broken. By the time Gooch was back, it was all falling apart, but at least England managed a couple of draws on that tour, and David Gower peeled off two memorable centuries before he fell out with Gooch and fitness and tiger moths.
- In 1994, England had Devon Malcolm on a high to run through the Aussie flat-track bullies. Despite Ray Illingworth’s disdain for Malcolm, he was in the team and had recently roughed up South Africa. Unfortunately, Malcolm got chicken-pox. No disrespect to Phil Defreitas, but his medium paced long hop was just what Michael Slater wanted. England took two old stagers on that tour in Gooch and Gatting – who, alongside Atherton, were pretty much the only people who managed to stay fit all series. Despite an extraordinary run of injuries, England should have drawn that series. The victory at Adelaide lives long in the memory – inspired by the fit again Malcolm on the last day. They should have drawn – but in the end, they lost 3-1.
- In 1999, England pitched up, and captain Alec Stewart claimed that England wanted to ‘compete’. The Aussies laughed, and both Atherton and Graham Thorpe speant the tour fighting back problems amongst other issues for Thorpe. England did compete and should have drawn the series too, but again they did not do so, though a bit of Aussie third umpiring perhaps made the difference when Michael Slater was given not out at Sydney (more Pommie whinging?).
- In 2002, England were considered to be an improving team, but once again, it all fell apart. Nasser Hussain won the toss at Brisbane and (for some unknown reason) bowled on a batting belter, then we had the Simon Jones injury. We thought that tour was grim – again, the list of injuries was monumental – but actually, that tour was England’s second most successful tour of Australia in the 21st century it included a win in one game – soemthing that Stokes and Joe Root have not experienced down under.
- In 2006, we thought that whaever happened could not be as bad as 2002/3, but once England had lost Michael Vaughan and Marcus Trescothick, the game was over. Steve Harmission made sure the tone was set with the widest of wides (think Jamie Overton at The Oval), but the worst thing was the way England kept tying to reform the 2005 side – even though a quarter of that 2005 team was injured. That was also the end of the Andrew Flintoff captaincy experiment – it never looked a good idea to me. The worst thing of all – this was where the 5-0 thing started to happen. They laughed at Stewart in 1999 – but actually, as a fan, I would love to see England ‘compete’ down under.
- In 2013, it should have been alright, but it was a step too far for that England team and we should never have signed up to that itinerary of two consecutive Ashes series. Again, England tried to hold onto a team of the past – particularly Graeme Swann and Matt Prior were not fit. Mitchell Johnson bowled brilliantly, but Brad Haddin, an average batter at best, was made to look like Brian Lara. To lose that series 5-0 was a travesty and rightly ended careers. It should have ended Sir Alistair Cook’s captaincy.
- 2017 was the year of the Ben Stokes incident. Perhaps that incident was the making of Stokes in the long term, but it was the breaking of England in that series. By that point, 5-0 was the standard score. I wonder if things might have been different if James Vince had not run himself out in the first test match – different for England and Vince.
- It’s not fair to talk about 2021 too much – the challenges of Covid were too much. We should not forget the real human cost of that series and the aftermath – it can not be a coincidence that Thorpe’s decline came so soon after his sacking after that series. That being said, England made some odd decisions in that series – constantly avoiding playing the best combinations in the name of rest and rotation. It was a shambles, though I think it was 4-0, so perhaps an improvement?
With all of these tours, the main issue was that we had no idea what the team would look like for the first test match. Even in 2013, when England appeared to have a settled team, we did not know who would open the batting with Cook, and we picked Boyd Rankin out of nowhere out of a desparation for height and pace.
Why have 1 wicket keeper when you can have 2?
Half the time, we did not even know who the England wicket keeper was going to be. Whilst others will have covered the odd game due to injury, when you think Australia since 1989, you think of Ian Healy, Adam Gilchrist, Brad Haddin, and now Alex Carey.
For England? Jack Russell, Alec Stewart, Steve Rhodes, Warren Hegg, Geraint Jones, Chris Read, Matt Prior, Jonny Bairstow and Jos Buttler all come to mind, but even Sam Billings had to drive a few hundred miles to have a go behind the sticks. On virtually every tour, the England wicket keeper changed at least once – though not in 2010/11.
Who would have thought consistency behind the stumps might help?
The rare success
Why do I recap this voyage of pain – except as a sort of therapy for the England fan? Because I want to contrast it with 1986/7 and 2010/11.
In 1986, England did not have a settled team, but once they got out to Oz, Gatting was able to form a bubble around the team – easier then without social media. By the time Brisbane came around, little doubt existed about the top 6 (Bill Athey, Chris Broad, Gatting, Lamb, Gower, Botham). We knew that Phil Edmunds and John Emburey would play, and also Graham Dilly. The doubts surrounded the wicket keeper (Bruce French or Jack Richards) and the remaining fast bowlers (Defreitas, Gladstone Small or Neil Foster).
In 2010, England had even more certainty. In reality, we knew the entire eleven (Andrew Strauss, Alistair Cook, Jonathan Trott, Kevin Pietersen, Paul Collingwood, Ian Bell, Matt Prior, Stuart Broad, Graeme Swann, James Anderson, Steven Finn).
Of course, the Aussies ridiculed them, and in 1986, the England press joined in – see Martin Johnson (can’t bat, can’t bowl, can’t field). But it is clear that the first thing you need is a consistent team.
The second consistency between 1986/7 and 2010/11 is runs. England scored mountains of runs, with centuries from Broad, Gatting, Gower, Botham, Richards, Cook, Strauss, Trott, Pietersen, Bell, and Prior. Everyone goes on about needing a battery of fast bowlers – but England did not have many truly fast bowlers on those tours – Chris Tremlett, probably, being the exception. Otherwise, lots of wickets came from Anderson and Dilly. What England had was runs. To win down under, you need runs – apparently, the pitches have changed, and we now have day-night games, but I am convinced that the way to put the Aussies under pressure is to score more runs than they do. That pressure then helps get the twenty wickets.
The third consistency is spin. In Emburey, Edmunds and Swann, England could get wickets with spin, but they could also tie things up. England does not have a bowler who can do that – so it is probably not worth dwelling on.
One other note. Yes, you need runs, but you need 5 bowlers. Stokes will be key. England got away with 4 and Collingwood in 2010/11 – but that approach was disastrous in 2013/14.
My 2025 team
Whatever the conditions and however you view England’s batting, England have no choice, and they must stick with the same top seven and keeper as did the work in the summer. History tells us that any changes now would be disasterous – however you might criticise Zac Crawley and Ollie Pope, I shudder at the memory of players like Michael Carberry and Mark Stoneman debuting in The Ashes. It is never the time for new blood.
Therefore, the places of Crawley, Ben Duckett, Pope, Root, Harry Brook, Ben Stokes and Jamie Smith are certain.
Equally certain is Shoab Bashir (if fit) and Gus Atkinson. Atkinson showed his class at The Oval, and England has invested too much into Bashir to back out now. After that, it is down to fitness (and even getting that far has doubts around Stokes and Bashir). The tendency might be to avoid picking both Jofra Archer and Mark Wood together, but I disagree. In 2021/22, England held back players in the first game, with a view to playing them in the second game when conditions would be different. The result of this was to condemn England to be 1 match down in the series before that second game. England has to be aggressive and put the best foot forward. That means Wood and Archer play. It is a risk that England runs out of energy later in the series – as happened against India – but their is no point getting to Sydney with fresh bowlers but being 4-0 down.
As for the wider squad, I would not take Chris Woakes or Liam Dawson. Woakes has struggled abroad, and Dawson played himself out of the team at Old Trafford. Nobody has a clue why England ever picks Jame Overton, least of all me, so he also stays at home. Sam Cook is doomed as well – finished off by The Hundred, but he also looked ineffective against Zimbabwe.
So, Josh Tonge and Brydon Carse should stay with the main team. Jacob Bethell will go with the main squad – I have no idea why, but he will. Rehan Ahmed should go as a second spinner – as much for his runs in the championship – and these are runs made in the top 3. Josh Hull and Sonny Baker should go with the Lions – but let’s not throw them into an Ashes series until we are 3-0 up. I need the last few rounds of the championship to work out who the other batters should be!
Likely Brisbane team – Crawley, Duckett, Pope, Root, Brook, Stokes, Smith, Atkinson, Wood, Archer, Bashir.
Prediction
Honestly, I think it will be 5-0 Australia. England will fight and push, but not quite win the key moments in each game. Hopefully, I am wrong.
Cricketed 